I'm lost, no sense of direction. I wouldn't wish myself on anyone. I'm modern-day medusa.
what doesn’t kill you
ruins your lungs
dries out all your tears
leaves you lying awake at 4 in the morning
wishing you weren’t alive
honestly? i don’t think i can fall in love again. the first time was everything i wanted, everything i needed, everything i didn’t know i wanted or needed or didn’t know it even existed. the first time was so….perfect. it honestly was. it’s not like we never fought, we did. but thats what made it perfect. you can’t not fight and just expect everything to be okay. it will never last. but in those fights of ours, we didn’t fight against each other, we fought for each other. we both stayed strong, and we both knew that no matter what, we loved the other, and they loved us back. we didn’t give in to weak moments and go off with other people, we weren’t spiteful to one another. that man i fell in love with…i’m not over him. i still love him just as much as i always have. just as much as i did almost five years ago now.
the worst part about all of this is that he never existed to me. he was something, a story, that someone made up. why? i have no idea. he is a real person, just not to me. i got the fabrication, not the real thing.
he’s happy though. i can see it. and i’m really happy for him. i had wanted to go up to him and introduce myself and tell him everything, because i had thought he should know at the time. but now, i think that’d be selfish of me to go up to him, drop a bomb, and tear his life apart, like mine. i can’t be selfish with him.
i’ve tried, to find someone who i could fall in love with one day. but none were or are like him. there’s always something that just breaks everything for me. i don’t mean to be ‘picky’, i just can’t get over it.
please stay happy for me, b. it’d break my heart even more if you weren’t. then i honestly wouldn’t be able to stay anymore. as long as you’re happy, i’m happy.